Unlucky in love

If you are struggling in finding the type of romantic relationship you want, then there is more going on than meets the eye.

You will often hear people say something along the lines of “I’m so unlucky in love”. What does this actually mean and what can we do about it?

First of all I would like to clarify the title, as what you may call ‘unlucky’ can often transform when you gain access to more information. Certain things may appear as being unlucky until you have all of the information, then it just makes sense. If you are looking for a ‘just keep going and one day it will change’ strategy, or pick up lines and tactics, I suggest I am definitely not for you.

If you would like to find and clear out the hidden blocks that can create issues finding a rewarding relationship then read on, I speak from experience both personally and professionally!

There are 3 common problems people wanting a relationship face, let’s go through each one individually to get a better idea about what could be going on:

Struggling to get a date. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner most thoughts, and so if you are struggling to get into the dating game then there are likely a couple of forces at play. The way you feel about yourself will influence how you perceive your reality. If you have low confidence, low self-esteem and want a partner to help you feel whole or ‘normal’, the chances are that will not end well. It is essential you come from a place of plenty rather than a place of ‘need’. Building your own confidence and communication skills will help you move to new levels of self-belief and you will automatically start to attract and connect with new potential partners. When your chemistry changes, so will your world.

Struggling to find the quality of partner you deserve. If you tend to attract people who treat you poorly or you tend to attract people with the same characteristics (e.g – verbally aggressive), then there is a gold nugget of learning here for you that some work needs to be done. Your subconscious mind perceives safety in what it knows; the phrase “better the devil you know” applies here. For example, if when you were growing up your father treated your mother poorly and they had a very difficult relationship, you may have unconsciously learnt what a relationship looks like. Many years later and with a completely different set of eyes and conscious beliefs, your system is still looking for what it knows, and so you will unconsciously search out partners that would create a similar relationship to what you learnt all those years ago. 

Another possibility here is that you have not yet dealt with the emotion around a certain personality or character trait. For example if in a previous relationship there were instances of verbal criticism, which caused you great pain at the time, but were not cleared at an emotional level after the relationship, this creates a fear that it will happen again. As we get whatever we focus on regardless of if it is positive or negative, having these fears stored in your subconscious mind means that you will continue to attract this pattern into your life. Only when you clear the emotion from the original events and clear the trait will it disappear from prominence in your life and the potential partners you meet.

Low priority on developing a relationship. Sometimes because of past relationships, you may perceive (at a below conscious level) that a relationship means pain or heartbreak. In these cases even if you consciously want to have a relationship, your subconscious mind will put the blockers on because at a deeper level you do not want to risk going through another experience that painful again. In this way your system is doing what it does best – looking after you. 

Alternatively, you may be at a stage in your life when other things are much higher on your priority list. It could be work, travel, play or something else; if you are looking for a relationship because you think you ‘should’ rather than actually wanting to, it can become very frustrating. Having a relationship has both its benefits and its drawbacks, so listen to what you really want and go with it.

There are many different variations of what could be happening to cause a block to you experiencing the high quality relationship you desire, these are just some common ones. That said, regardless of the issue, a similar theme persists through all of them. Clearing and releasing past painful events and balancing emotional traits from family relationships and past romantic partners will clear your mind and allow you to be open to receiving a relationship. This can be done without needing to talk about it in detail, without having to reveal those painful stories, they can be kept private.

If you would like to explore what could be preventing you finding the relationship you want and to breakthrough what is holding you back, please fill in the contact form below to arrange a call.

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