Confidence is a funny thing. When it’s in flow it can make the most challenging of tasks seem like child’s play, and yet in its absence it makes the idea of speaking to another human being more daunting than climbing Everest wearing just your t-shirt and sandals!
What I have come to realise is that my life has been a series of tests one after another about how to develop a self-assured, rock solid confidence in just about every way possible. To give you an idea of my training schedule, here is a quick rundown of my greatest hits, I’m curious to see if you connect with any of them:
Feeling unattractive: growing up as a slightly chubby boy with solar flare coloured red hair was more than a challenge at times. There were only a couple of other ginger people in my year and so there was plenty of jokes to go around. To add to that my evolutionary path chose to provide me with two rather “interestingly angled” front teeth. Well they say things come in 3’s! As a result I was often very self-conscious about how I looked. I would often worry what people were saying about me, if they were talking about me, and what they would be saying. I remember it seemed that every quiet giggle between 2 people was under suspicion as someone talking about me!
Comparing myself to others: My abilities in English class seemed to be a double edged sword. I got good grades and performed well on exams. The negatives was that I learned a lot of adjectives, which gave me an impressive number of ways that I could compare myself to other people!! I would look at one friend and envy his cool gelled hair, I would look at another for always having the most expensively branded clothes, another for how easily they could talk to girls, and another for being so popular. I would be on what seemed like a constant round-robin of comparing myself to someone else, and very rarely did I win that game.
Feeling alone: As you may have been able to guess my ‘love life’ growing up was not quite Hollywood action level. If it was a film the main star would be the tumbleweed! I longed for a loving partner where I could be in an intimate and connected relationship. As I grew older alcohol and marijuana was a helpful distraction, but at the end of the evening when it was just me, that’s when the loneliness would kick in. It wasn’t only the sexual contact that I was wanting, it was that space where I could express myself openly and honestly, and just be myself. No acting, no trying to impress, no judgement – just me being me.
Feeling inferior: One of the biggest challenges I faced is that I would feel really uncomfortable with the spotlight on me, I didn’t like too much attention as I was worried what people would think about me, but then I would get frustrated when no-one gave me attention and I was ignored – talk about a rock and a hard place! Heading into my 20’s and into my professional career I noticed a couple of key patterns that I felt really held me back. If there was a team meeting I would be really nervous if it was my turn to say something or present, and I would often feel intimidated if the person running the meeting had a sort of authoritative or confrontational vibe – do you know the type I mean? My heart rate would rapidly increase and I would get this flooding of body heat; and being ginger anything over 15 degrees Celsius would turn my face red!
Scared of confrontation: I did not like being around people who were argumentative or in your face. This meant that I really avoided doing anything that could develop into an uncomfortable situation, and so I ended up doing things I didn’t necessarily want to as I strive to avoid the dreaded ‘confrontation’. In addition to that, possibly the thing that annoyed me the most was when someone who I considered an ‘expert’ or who seemed really confident came along. I would just instantly go quiet, I just could not think of anything to say! It was so annoying, after they left I would get all my ideas back and talk them through with my friends, it was so frustrating! The next week would come around and the same thing happened, I just couldn’t figure it out.
As I look back on what I see now as my ‘training intensive’ I consider where I am today…
I wake up each morning and remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. The list gets longer by the day.
I look at myself in the mirror and I smile. I use my body to enhance my confidence and in return it gives more energy than I’ve ever had. I am appreciating my body and my quirks more and more, and I have transformed the way I see myself.
I am focused on my mission and my service which keeps me focused on my values, and so I often just don’t have time to compare myself to other people. Am I perfect? No. I am getting better? Every day.
I am in a deeply fulfilling, love filled relationship, and I feel closer to all of my family than I ever have before.
I can handle the heat in the kitchen, I have the confidence and the tools to deal with confrontation. I can communicate effectively and come from a place of service.
And the best part? Getting here wasn’t by some nebulous, vague, plucked from the sky ‘close my eyes and point my finger’ approach. It was through what I have now streamlined and structured into a 12 week programme that will transform the way you think and feel; and if my testimonials are anything to go by, you’ll have a good bit of fun along the way.
If you would like to learn more about me and my approach to helping you express yourself freely, send me a message today.
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